In the beginning, when God created the computer, the parts were formless and desolate. The bulging vacuum tubes that covered everything were engulfed in total darkness, and the power of God was moving over the cover. Then God commanded, "Let their be smaller parts" -- And they appeared. God was pleased with what he saw. Then he separated the good parts from the bad parts, and he named the good parts "PC" and the bad parts he named "Apple". Years passed and morning came -- That was the first generat ion.
Then God commanded, "Let there be a case to divide the spaces and to keep it in two separate places" -- And it was done. So God made a case for the computer, and it separated the hot air under it from the cool air above. Years passed and morning came -- That was the second generation.
Then God commanded, "Let the glorious parts which fill rooms come together in one place, so that a smaller computer will appear" -- and it was done. He named the parts Hardware, and the code he named Software. And God was pleased with what he saw. Then he commanded, "Let the computer produce all kinds of programs, those that are games and those that are applications" -- and it was done. So the computer produced all kinds of programs, and God was pleased with what he saw. Years passed and morning came -- That was the third generation.
Then God commanded, "Let graphics appear in the sky to separate new from old and to show when software companies, hardware companies, and hackers come to be; they will shine in the computer scene to make light of Microsoft. -- And it was done. So God ma de the two larger lights, Microsoft to explore the day and Netscape to navigate and rule over the night; he also made smaller companies which he named stars. He placed the lights in the sky to shine on the computer industry, and to separate the good comp anies from the bad. And God was pleased with what he saw. Years passed and morning came -- That was the fourth generation.
Then God commanded, "Let the underground be filled with many kinds of living beings, and let the sky be filled with birds. So God created the great sea monsters, all kinds of creatures which he named pirates that live in the underground. And let the wor ld be filled with users in the sky who know very little and reside in the sky on a mysterious server known as AOL. And God was pleased with what he saw. He blessed them all and told the creatures that live underground to reproduce and teach what they kn ow, and he told the users on AOL to increase in number. Years passed, AOL grew overpopulated, and morning came -- That was the fifth generation.
Then God commanded, "Let the earth produce all kinds of animal life: domestic and wild, AOL users and hackers" -- and it was done. So God made them all, and he was pleased with what he saw.
Then God said, "And now we will make advanced computer programs; they will be like us and resemble us. They will have power over all the creatures, AOL users and hackers alike. So God created virtual reality, making it to be like himself. He created th e male and female, Duke Nukem and Lara Croft. He blessed them, and said, "Create many followers, so that your descendants will live over all the earth and bring more income to the companies. I am putting you in charge of the AOL users and Hackers alike, I have provided you with many mindless servants to worship you and play you night and day." -- and it was done. God looked at everything he had made and he was very pleased. Years passed and morning came -- That was the sixth generation.
And so the whole personal computer was completed. By the seventh generation God finished what he had been doing and stopped working, along with every single AOL server in existence. He blessed the seventh generation and set it apart as a special time, b ecause by that day he had completed his creation and stopped working. And that is how the personal computer was created.
This essay was created by Justin Heiner and is copyrighted by laws pertaining to the Internet. No part of this essay may be copied in any means whatsoever without the expressed permission of the author.