How to keep a healthy level of insanity
I realize that not all of you have the same natural ability that I do to maintain insanity, so I wanted to send you this helpful tips.
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e-mail address is: Xena-Warrior@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your cheques, write 'for sexual favors.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Dont use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
25) Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
27) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
30) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"